Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Well Endowed Black Bottle of Sir Gordon Graham



First off, Rest Sweetly and Serenely, beautiful and endeared Rue McClanahan aka Blanche Devereaux. You are the most amazing GILF (Grandma, I'd Like to...) I've ever known. And on to the whisky--

Why did I choose this obscure bottle to contribute to our liver damage?

Allow me to quote the box:

"Black Bottle 10 Year Old challenges the rules of deluxe whiskies - its heart is made entirely of Islay malts from each of the island's seven distilleries, blended with the finest grain whiskies. Islay malts are different from their mainland counterparts. They are known the world over for their deep intensity and their powerful smokiness. And they reach their prime at 10 years old. Which is why Black Bottle 10 Year Old embodies the most fulsome and satisfying taste of Islay. It will stimulate the palate, warm the heart and fire the imagination."

Who doesn't want to be stimulated? Who doesn't want that fuzzy cozy feeling in the chest that only the burn of a solid bottle of liquid amber and an episode of Golden Girls can instill? Who doesn't want their imagination fired up to the Nth degree, where words, ideas, actions flow as smoothly as excessive amounts of oily foods digested with the help of alcohol from the bowels?

Excuse the disgusting analogy. But I was seduced at once by the bold statements of this distiller, one Gordon Graham (originally). It just makes sense that the island malts have their heart in a different place, a more wispy, salt sheen, frothiness that delights the most discerning of tongues? The stuff was solid. At around 28 dollars a bottle, this underrated whisky deserves a little time in the limelight. So here you go, black bottle! We created a youtube channel and recorded a rather shitty video for your viewing pleasure, in which we pay tribute to my recently (her funeral was the day we drank it) deceased organ instructor, Tasia Mitchell.

But before I get to that, there is always a wee bit of lore about every bottle of scotch. Steeped in history, scotch making is the pride of the Scots and it shows in their keeping of legends about the distillers, origins, marketing ploys (both failed and otherwise), and, of course, popularity.

Along those lines, Black Bottle was sold in a black glass bottle up until World War I, as the bottles were produced in Germany. The original distillers were tea blenders! David and Gordon Graham produced the first batch in 1879. A distillery fire nearly destroyed the business, but a revamped product in the hands of smart contemporary Scots has upped the popularity so much recehantly, that it was nominated for the Drammies in 2008!

So how does Black Bottle stack up? It gets high marks for its unique Islay character, is not too sweet (like Jonnie Walker and his fairy whiskies), and has a very smooth roll off the tongue, down the throat, where it seems to rest somewhere in between the stomach and the head. I imagine ramshackle houses on the seashore with patches of green salt-loving grasses, father smiling smugly with his little fisherman's hat and his bristly beard framing his smiling chapped lips, while he rosy-faced pours another glass, mother at the hearth, drinking straight from the bottle to warm her toes, her ruddy hair straggling across her unspecific face, vegan stew in the pot (yeah, thats a bit of a stretch) and a fattening loaf of bread in the potbelly stove. Ah, coastal splendour, and all the fog of the mind that comes with it!

So set your sails, mates, and experience the very first tastes of Gordon Graham's Black Bottle with your hosts, Sir Toey Jierney and Sir Raximus Mex.

Cheers!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Black What? :-|



Can you say horrible marketing? I mean, as im writing this blog im constantly having to referr back to this picture ---> to reming my brain of the name of the bottle.....and everytime i look i think "Black Bottle," gimme a break. Well this night was a bit different, as we started consuming her Black Bottle we decided it best to abandon ship and head downtown to drink in public places. Twus an exciting evening of friends, drunks, spillages and friends leaving other friends for other friends with much more creativity and flair. After downtown we shuttled back to BLack Bottle and back to fun.... In all honestly, i dont remember the rest of that evening too much. We got back, mixed some Black Bottle (:-|) with some Pelligrino and got down with one of our favorite past times, mind numbing.
Goldeneye for Nintendo 64 has been giving 007 a run for its money lately.
Alas, this is the last post i shall be contributing until my adventure into the
mountains. I shall be attending Sequoia National forest for the summer, living like a Apeman, in the trees, getting paid, skateboarding everyday, enjoying life and most importantly in retrospect.....not drinking.... what was it called again?.... Way to make an impression asshole.... no more Black bottle for me.