Gentleman Whack!

There's really no excuse, Jack. We know you make bank off us. We know you're one of the most popular drinks ordered thusly: "Can I get (I'll have/take) a ________ and coke, please (the please only sometimes)." We know you're probably partially at least responsible for the liver failure of frat boys all across these fifty nifty United States (and Guam), that you seep into the stomach lining of our golden youth, dilute their judgment, impair their spatial reasoning. We know you help stoke the blazes of many a dying fire in the loins of guys and dolls all over. So, please, with all the money you pilfer from us so that we may fuck up our lives with your manly juice, invest some back into your Gentleman Jack. Or should I say, Gentleman Whack! This shit is the most whack ass different bottle same great taste, stupidly obvious consumer whore corporate whisky wanna-be upgrade on a "great American" product I've ever experienced. And we fell for it. I might as well have pissed on my forty dollars and stuck it to my forehead and proceeded to go out in public wearing a shirt with George W. Bush's chimpanzee ass face on it and some text below that reads: "Miss me Yet?"

Whatever. We got drunk, rode bikes, made vegan chick'n burgers with fresh avocado, tomato and spinach and fraternized on a dizzying journey back from one of the most productive trips I've ever made to San Francisco. Oh yeah, and we now have ice cream cone cups with twisty straws attached! liek omigosh.

Gentleman Jack

As we are but kind men, we are Gentleman. And as we are nomads, we are also thrill seekers; seeking great times in the most mundane situations. A day with no work for either Max or myself must consist of some form of extreme adventures, and as we began to board the Caltrain home from San Francsico, we sought out a thrill of the free... taking Whisky onto Caltrain and getting to business.

<----- yes Indeed we are But Gentlemen of the Jack. After initially choosing Jack Daniels, Max insisted we raise our standards and i obliged. After boarding the train of the Cal, we cracked Sir Gentleman of Jack. Is the Whisky taste altered by a cup with a twisty straw wrapping up around the cup like a tornado? Yes. With that said, Gentlemans Jack sucked major phat ass. I mean shit man, this shit is designed for a gentleman.....supposedly. I could believe the shit as Jack Daniels in a different bottle, that for some weird reason costs more. Well Max and I drank about half of this beast, got off Caltrain and operated our

bicycles all the way to Max's pad to play some half drunked stonered scrabble. After scrabble we naturally battled some street fighter, polished off the ugly, disgusting, un-respectable, lying, cheating, pathetic, worthless (almost), and atrocious excuse for our first Bourbon of Whisky Business. If you shall consume and are debating on upgrading to Sir Gentleman Jack, save yourself some much needed scrill, and dont. Gentleman Jack is Gentleman crap. Over and out.

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GrRrRrRr

Johnny Walker Green

Johnny Walker Green... where do i begin? If your a loyal follower like Max and I hope so, you'll know green was next up on our Johnny Walker list. Definitely some high expectations going into this one, the dam bottle cost 60 bucks. I was hoping for a bottle made of 100% recycled material that donated 35% of profits to saving the rain forest, quit the contrary. We began this bottle on a dusky Mid Week day with scrabble on our minds.

<-----If you can read that miniature image than congratulations to you. As the night trickled on, we soon came to realization that this Whisky was not all we thought it would be. Rather than making us "green" Stewards to the environment, our faces turned green along with our livers. Johnny Walker Green is garbage, that does not deserve to be recycled. Im sure you all remember buying that cheep Wal Mart product you thought was so well priced, only to have the plastic peel off, the layers come undone or the basic mechanics of it simply fail after only a short time of use. Well my friends, Wal Mart obviously makes crap that causes our landfills to grow at an alarming rate, so maybe they are the original creators of Johnny Walker Green. After only 2 or 3 glasses, the label on the Johnny Walker green started peeling off.... AND the fucking cork broke in half.

What a seriously Epic fail... my face in the picture that is... Well the night went on regardless. Max is considering entering the Scrabble Olympics due to his extremely large vocabulary. He acts weird when he wins though...

Aside from the fact that Johnny Walker Green sucks ass, it was an extremely fun night. Max's exuberant roomate Jake played a game or two of scrabble with us as well. The night ended typically with Street Fighter, god i love that game. Until Next Time, Whisky Business Over and OUT.

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Anne of Green Labels.

I thought it would save the environment.
There's definitely a misty glow about Johnnie Walker's Green Label, with its gilded lines and lettering, its deep hunter green with an almost matte finish. It looks exotic in a line of Jonnie Walker bottles--the forbidden meadow, the ferngully. And we hoped, sincerely, to be led into the Great Valley, where fruits resplendent shine on trees and water flows between your knees, where the fey folk live in their gourd houses, birds chattering the Gospel of Gaia on their leaf heavy branches...

But instead we were just kind of drowned in a foetid swamp.
(negative 50 health/mana fer sure)

Well, every bottle is a gamble. This one just happened to be an expensive one. A night of tasting and re-tasting and evaluating and reevaluating led me to an enlightening conclusion. Perhaps it isn't the age of JW, but the substance itself. There's something foul in the bottle, in the mix, in the process, who knows? It's just, and I quote myself "too sweet for me. When I drink Scotch I want to be grated against something, something grainy and woody. Johnnie Walker, you are a pussy." I hereby disrespect any lamefoot who orders this particular vintage, this particular Scotch as his drink of choice a goober. The Glenlivet is soft on the palate, sure, but it is both interesting, adequately oak barelly, and a charming introduction to Scotch. As in, if Scotch were California and all the different types cities in California, it would be important to visit the right city to get turned on to California, or to get a faithful representation of California's wonder, wealth, and diversity...aka, its beauty! So, if this were the case, the Glenlivet might be San Francisco. JW Green might be Fresno. Do not go there. For that matter, avoid Blythe (JW Red) and Bakersfield (JW Black):

On a cheerier note, we had a blast with claymation Jacob who only went narcoleptic towards the most latter part of the evening, I have no perceivable hangover, though my heads in a cloud (but when is it not?), and I did my degree some justice by winning two games of Scrabble with words like Azalea, Herb, and Dour. 

Gloat-worthy.

Live Action Joey, it's your turn.

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